What's bugging me today? Michael Phelps fuss.

It's about time I give the Beijing Summer games some deep thought. I've been watching daily and I have a lot of questions.

1. Why do I love China?
2. Why does the fuss about Michael Phelps bug me so much?
3. Why do the beach volleyball women wear sports bra bikinis but the beach volleyball men, the indoor volleyball men and indoor women wear shorts and tank tops?
4. Are all medalists really from the U.S., Europe and China? Or is that an accident of my viewing times? Or a product of biased media coverage? Or will the second week of events open up a wider international competition?

Let's start with the question I can answer. Why does the fuss about Michael Phelps bug me so much?

I like Michael Phelps. I enjoy a personal story about the life of an Olympic athlete. It builds a human connection to the rest of us couch potatoes. Sure, Michael eats 5 breakfasts for breakfast. But he has a mom and two sisters and they all look like my kind of people. They wear their hearts on their sleeves and allow their emotions to play all over their faces. Mom's proud of him and he's proud of her. He loves that as a single mom she went to graduate school. Her late nights working as a school principal were a positive influence on the kids, inspiring them to work hard at something they care about. I like all of that.

Now here's what bugs me. Phelps is the greatest swimmer ever so let's just stop there and have a big party. Do we really need to pretend that the number of golds makes Phelps the greatest Olympian ever? What's harder, 8 golds for swimming 8 ways or one all around gold that requires excellence in different gymnastic events? I don't know. What other sport has 8 very similar events? I don't know. But I'm starting a new campaign. I want to get the world on board for track sprints 8 ways. I don't actually know much about track either, so I suggest that the 8 events should be sprints forward, backward, waving your arms over your head, skipping, hopping in a potato sack, holding an egg on a spoon in your mouth, balancing a water balloon on your head, and finally building up to that last gold medal for the best silly walk. It's okay if one of these is a relay.